Level 18 - Throwing Upon Pixies

Another long day at the hotel yielded to a strong desire to have some fun of my own. I have learned a funny thing about weddings: aside from everything who isn't the bride or groom thinking that it is their special day, there is a distinctive amount of underwear found underneath tables that is inversely proportionate to the amount of "Woo-Girls" invited. Anyway, one day, after picking up three pairs of panties and avoiding picking up what I'm almost certain was a soiled "napkin" I called up a few friends to take me out somewhere. I'm used to my friends taking me to random bars or whatever, but was more concerned when they decided to take me to a bar in the back wooded, nowhere town known as Clyman.

The town is small, out of the way, and kind of surrounded by pine trees, making it not very visible from the lonesome county highway it resides along. A white church with a tall steeple marks the entrance to the town. Down that road is a small school house, and a few stores, one of which is named The Hardware Store. As it

turns out, there weren't hammers or nails in there, just a bevy of half naked women and hicks. My buddy Mike ended up getting pretty interested in this tiny girl named Pixie whose dance routine involved climbing onto a ceiling beam and humping it. On her urging, he got wasted and then purchased a champagne room. I don't know if you know this, but a champagne room is just a 30 minute long lap dance that costs way more than it should.

The problem with him buying the champagne room while drunk, is that when he drinks his drunk logic becomes infallible. For some reason, after purchasing this overpriced dance, he decides to wait until she comes to him. She didn't know about this dance so he continued trying to maintain his buzz, in which time Pixie found someone else to coerce into a champagne room. That guy ends up buying one too and it is then that Pixie finds out she has to perform two of these after each other. Drunk logic in mind, Don Juan di Mike-o decides to be a gentleman and wait for some reason. Finally, it comes the time with the first dance is done and Mike goes in for his dance. Mind you, his dance is 30 minutes, but the bar is closing in about 10 minutes. So it is getting late, and we are all waiting for Mike to get out of the champagne room and about 13 minutes into his dance the Pixie flies out of the room completely dressed and worried. Turns out Mike vomited on the girl.

Coming up next week, I will tell you the story of the time I didn't vomit on a stripper.

To be continued...
Dave

Level 17 - You Don't Know Jackie

Having missed quite a bit since this past October, I decided to look online for what has changed. Apparently Hollywood has run out of good ideas and are reaching for the scripts in the Wal-Mart $5 bin, politics have become laughably ridiculous, and, for some reason, people still give a rat's crap about Stephenie Meyers' writing. Aside from that, I looked back in to the dating website and I can sure say it was interesting.

Status Effect: [Ego Boost]

It lead to a few...interesting dates.

Status Effect Removed

It's a funny thing about going on dates with people from a website. Everything is like Jeopardy, you spend so much time taking this crash course in getting to know someone, you meet them, and then fumble between figuring out what to ask and figuring out what you know. It is kind of strange, but I'm sure it can work at some point. I'm not really keen on worrying about it now, I need to see what else there is around to offer.

To be continued...
Dave

Level 16 - Damned Music Stores

In an effort to take my mind off of all that has been happening to me, I decided to take up a musical instrument. I went to this music store near my house. They had everything: guitars, drums, accordions, harmonicas... everything. I tried a few things out and nothing was working for me.

When trying drums, I accidentally lost the stick and hit someone with it.

Accordion is annoying apparently.

And guitar... well, there were far too many other players in the store that were much better.

After meandering about a bit, I found this door that looked like it was attached to nothing and, being curious, I walked through it. For some reason there was there was this treasure chest in there, I shit you not, a real treasure chest. I opened it using this crowbar shaped key I found. Inside it there was this flute. Now, I know what you're thinking: a dude playing a flute, that guy might be a little "bridge & tunnel." I say to you, shove it.

Anyway, throwing caution, and health codes, to the wind, I blew into the flute and it transported me to this desert island filled with nothing but tunnels. I don't mean a bunch of hot women, I literally mean large green pipes...like out of some plumbers wet dream. After being there for what felt like for freaking ever, I jumped into one and I ended up in the music store again...months into the future. The future is a jacked up place. Just throwing that out there.

To be continued...
Dave

Level 15 - The Spider's Website

Last Week's Quests - Failed!
 
I seem to have contacted the majority of my old friends, but they, like me, seem to be all too focused on life and everything else. A few are having kids, others are basically nesting with their significant others. I don't know much about that aside from that I used to have one and now I don't. The way I see it, either I will need to get really comfortable being a third wheel or find someone to date. It can't be that hard to meet someone, right? I mean, I've played The Sims. It's stupid easy in there. Walk up to someone, talk to them, do that a bunch, flirt, kiss, date.

It's been nearly a month since I have seen a gaggle of single girls at a bar so I decided to make a dating profile on a website. I should have been focusing on my quests, but I seem to have become sidetracked with creating this profile. It's incredibly stupid, I know, but it shouldn't be too hard to at least talk to people or get a date.

Since nothing came of these quests last week, I should attempt them again.

This Week's Quests: 

• Attempt to find my old friends
• Attempt to meet a girl
• Find a new hobby 
• Find people to talk to on the website

To Be Continued...
Dave

Level 14 - Lone Warrior

Last Week's Quests - Success!
 
I found some decent local bands. There is this place in town where the majority of bars are. Almost every bar had a band. I kept alternating between bars, but I couldn't find a bar where I felt at ease. There was this weird delta blues rock band at the Smoker's Hut, a rock band at the Pub, and a slew of bands with an uncertain genre at the other bars. The bands were fine, but there is this weird sensation of going to a bar alone. That sensation is usually amplified when looking around and seeing a ton of people in groups.

I'm wondering lately where a lot of my friends are at. Stan always seems to be working at the hotel and Paul seems busy a lot lately, but where have my other friends gone? I know I have more than this.


I did get to go to the book store though. Talk about a needle in a haystack. It's a pain trying to save money and get a book to read. I suppose I can go back to the library, but I may need to give the librarian a little time to cool down.

This Week's Quests: 

• Attempt to find my old friends
• Attempt to meet a girl
• Find a new hobby

To Be Continued...
Dave

Level 13 - Tavern Town

Last Week's Quests - Success!
 
Within a week of beginning to play Minecraft, I have decided to quit playing Minecraft.So I haven't really played games online with random people. It was going well. I was building fun stuff and allowing myself to have fun. Then, the other day, I was building a free floating house out of glass when this jerk messed it up. Someone saw and helped me. Soon after, I helped that nice guy build his own house. Within a half hour I grew an alliance with the majority of the people on the map. Then, the first guy to join the alliance asked if I was his friend. I was a little confused by the straightforwardness of the question. The person then told me they were 10 years old. Everyone in the alliance proceeded to tell their ages and it was evident that I was the eldest by at least six years.

Status Effect - [Awkward]

I tried hanging with a few friends. There was a party and I was supposed to meet a girl there. I have learned something about descriptions. They said I would "either love her or hate her." Someone said that about the movie Avatar and I can tell you that I freaking hated that movie. That girl was worse than Avatar. She was just dull and boring. Anyway, I went hanging around town and went to a bar where this band was playing. I think I have found my new hobby: checking out local bands at bars.

I tried looking for my jobs, but I couldn't find any. I'm thinking the hotel job may have to hold me for a while. This week at work, I talked down to by this crazy blonde lady. I didn't put something 1-inch too far to the left. Why is it that party planners lose all ability to be personable around people?

This Week's Quests: 

• Attempt to find more local bands
• Browse around a book store

To Be Continued...
Dave

Level 12 - The Great Conversationalist

Last Week's Quests - Success!
 
Finally, I got the quiet girl from work to finally talk. She only talked shit, but she spoke nonetheless.

Achievement Unlocked! - The Great Conversationalist (10 GP)


I like to think that my charisma level is rather high and, as such, like to help people out of their shells. Hell, if someone is entertaining enough or does a great job at something, I will shake their hand. The Quiet One did something rather great today and offered to shake her hand. She wasn't for it so I offered to high five instead. After denying the high five she claimed that she doesn't like touching hands. I respect people and their crazy little things so I let it go; however, I couldn't let it go about five minutes later when she high fived a bunch of people. I'm thinking this Quiet One doesn't enjoy me as a person. Looks like I may have an enemy of sorts.

Returning home, I attempted my new hobby of Minecraft. It's pretty fun. I mean, I don't have the actual game, but it allows me to interact with people and build random crap. Sometimes that's the sort of thing you need, you know? The game seems pretty straight forward and it is pretty cool. It gave me an idea for a little adventure story to write too.

I got to hang out with a few friends this week too. We played a few video games and went to a local bar called Jokerz. It was honestly one of the few good times I have had in a bar. There were laughs, cute bartenders, and I danced with some crazy chicks on the floor. It was a pleasant experience overall. I don't know why I don't do this sort of thing more often. Being around positive people really works wonders.

This Week's Quests: 

• Attempt Minecraft some more
• Hang with some friends
• Look for more jobs

To Be Continued...
Dave