Level 18 - Throwing Upon Pixies

Another long day at the hotel yielded to a strong desire to have some fun of my own. I have learned a funny thing about weddings: aside from everything who isn't the bride or groom thinking that it is their special day, there is a distinctive amount of underwear found underneath tables that is inversely proportionate to the amount of "Woo-Girls" invited. Anyway, one day, after picking up three pairs of panties and avoiding picking up what I'm almost certain was a soiled "napkin" I called up a few friends to take me out somewhere. I'm used to my friends taking me to random bars or whatever, but was more concerned when they decided to take me to a bar in the back wooded, nowhere town known as Clyman.

The town is small, out of the way, and kind of surrounded by pine trees, making it not very visible from the lonesome county highway it resides along. A white church with a tall steeple marks the entrance to the town. Down that road is a small school house, and a few stores, one of which is named The Hardware Store. As it

turns out, there weren't hammers or nails in there, just a bevy of half naked women and hicks. My buddy Mike ended up getting pretty interested in this tiny girl named Pixie whose dance routine involved climbing onto a ceiling beam and humping it. On her urging, he got wasted and then purchased a champagne room. I don't know if you know this, but a champagne room is just a 30 minute long lap dance that costs way more than it should.

The problem with him buying the champagne room while drunk, is that when he drinks his drunk logic becomes infallible. For some reason, after purchasing this overpriced dance, he decides to wait until she comes to him. She didn't know about this dance so he continued trying to maintain his buzz, in which time Pixie found someone else to coerce into a champagne room. That guy ends up buying one too and it is then that Pixie finds out she has to perform two of these after each other. Drunk logic in mind, Don Juan di Mike-o decides to be a gentleman and wait for some reason. Finally, it comes the time with the first dance is done and Mike goes in for his dance. Mind you, his dance is 30 minutes, but the bar is closing in about 10 minutes. So it is getting late, and we are all waiting for Mike to get out of the champagne room and about 13 minutes into his dance the Pixie flies out of the room completely dressed and worried. Turns out Mike vomited on the girl.

Coming up next week, I will tell you the story of the time I didn't vomit on a stripper.

To be continued...
Dave